divorce, Marriage, Relationship, Silence is key

Not today, Satan…not today


When I tell you going through a divorce is like nothing I’ve ever gone through before. OMG, that sneaky devil has been an annoying little money on my back, and has tried to get me to step outside my character and act a fool all week. The fact that I’m sitting here typing this blogpost, and not in jail, proves that I’ve won this round.

It’s not that I didn’t already know my husband was cheating…hell he’s cheated on me for eight years, so that was nothing new. Like any so-called man, he denies everything, even when confronted with evidence- that’s just what they do. I think it’s in the wannabe player’s handbook: DENY EVERYTHING. Anyway, I’ve always known he was “laying it low, and spreading it wide” (in the words of Miss Evelyn Braxton) with someone, I just didn’t know her name…until the other day. I’ve been confiding in my boss (an older white lady who, like everybody else, thought I had one of the few good men out there, and who gains absolutely nothing by lying about what she would go on to tell me) about my failed marriage for a while. I got to work Thursday, and she asked how I was doing. At that moment, I was fine. Then, she dropped the bombshell. Without going into all the details, she tells me that it was brought to her attention that my husband has been sleeping with one of the town sluts (a chick with four kids and who knows how many sperm donors)…that’s what my husband gave up his family for.

Quite naturally, even though I’d known he was cheating, I now had a name and a face. I’ve worked with this girl, had quite a few arguments with this girl, and even blocked her from my Facebook page years ago, over inappropriate comments she’d made on something he’d posted. Just that quickly, my good mood changed. Having just clocked in at work, I had several hours to think about everything. My husband had an issue giving me $20.00 to buy food, but did he have a problem giving her money for all those chirren she has? Probably not. At one point, I grabbed the phone, called him, and let him have it. I couldn’t even help my customers, because I was so busy telling him off. All the while, he’s still denying knowing what I’m talking about, which only made me madder. The fact that he was insulting me and my intelligence, was like pouring salt on my open wounds.

Eventually, I had to tell myself to calm down. I apologized to the customer who’d overheard me cussing the cheater out over the phone, then gave myself a mental pep talk, that I needed to calm down, because neither my husband, or his jumpoff is worth me getting fired. I confronted him more after I got off work. His response: she moved to another state, and doesn’t even live here…as if that’s supposed to make it any better. I don’t care if she moved to Mars, the fact remains, you still slept with her. Then, yesterday, after I’d told myself that I was not going to let him or her distract me while  was at work, because I can’t afford to lose my job, who should happen to walk in? HER…the same chick my husband claimed didn’t even live here anymore. It was funny that she should happen to show up all of a sudden. All I could do was laugh at that point. I said not one word to her, and went on doing my work, which shocked even me.

Sometimes, you have to be smart enough to know when you’re being baited into a negative situation, and ignore it. Yes, it’s hard to simply walk away, especially when your feelings are hurt, and your family has been torn apart by someone who couldn’t care less about you or your children. I really wanted to slap her. But, while it would have felt good at the moment, I would be standing in the unemployment line first thing tomorrow morning, had I acted the way I wanted to. I had to take a deep breath, and walk away. Obviously, neither my husband or his other woman cares about my family, but I do, and I can’t let them put us in jeopardy, any more than they already have.

When you find yourself in a situation where you want to react violently- even if it’s justified- take a deep breath, calm down, and remind yourself what’s important. If you act on impulse, and pimp slap a beeotch, you’re children are the one’s who will suffer the consequences of your actions…remember that. It’s just not worth it, Miss Celie…he ain’t worth it. And besides, there is absolutely nothing worse than fighting another woman over a man…nothing. Be the bigger woman, and walk away.


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