divorce

Even though I knew it was coming, getting divorced feels surreal.

DivorceWithRing

Well, after confronting the husband about his chick on the side, and even though he adamantly denied her, or having anything to do with her, in spite of the fact that she just happened to show up at my job, he finally went to the courthouse and filed the divorce papers this morning…even though it’s been nearly three weeks since I told him this wasn’t working. I’ve known that us getting divorced has been a long time coming, but it still felt surreal to be standing in the courthouse, getting the papers notarized. Our court date is set for November. I don’t want anything from him- no alimony, child support, nothing…so we should be officially divorced next month. It’s all happening so fast. Like, it took almost a years worth of planning to get married, and less than two months to end it.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t just a little sad about it. Again, I’ve known for at least the last year that this marriage was going downhill, fast. Having met him in 2007, I’ve been a part of a couple for the last eight years. You ever get so used to something or someone, and you get really comfortable? That’s how I was. I haven’t been in love with him, or even in like with him, for a long time…but I was comfortable, which was why I kept ignoring all the obvious signs that our marriage was all but over. I think that even though I’ve been single before, and at one point I worried I might be an old maid, I was a little scared to start over. Like I said, I’ve been comfortable in knowing that someone was helping with the bills, I had someone to talk to (when he was around) someone to go out on dates with, or take trips with.

Even though the thought of starting over terrifies me, I know that it’s for the best. It wasn’t healthy staying married to someone just because I didn’t want to be alone. I’m sure it will be hard for me in the days to come, as my emotions are all over the place; but I still feel deep down, that I’m making the right decision. I already realize that I’m a stronger woman than I was eight years ago. Usually, whenever something was going wrong in my relationships, I’d mope around, sad and depressed…crying all the time. That hasn’t happened this time. Yes, I’ve shed a few tears, but I haven’t sat around in the dark, listening to depressing break-up songs, while wallowing in self-pity. I realize that crying doesn’t solve  or change anything, anyway. I’ve allowed myself an allotted amount of time to mourn the death of my marriage…but then, I tell myself to get up, put my big girl panties on, and get on with my life. I have two beautiful kids to raise. My son will be 17 next month, and will be graduating next year, and my daughter is 11 going on 30. I definitely have my hands full, and sitting around crying and feeling sorry for myself is just not a part of my plans for the future.

I hope you all have a Happy Tuesday. Pray for me, and I’ll do the same. Until next time…

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