Good morning, good people! Thank God it’s the weekend, and that Hurricane Patricia has weakened and has downgraded to a Tropical Depression…that had the potential to be Katrina all over again for the people in Mexico. I’ve got to head to work (sad face) but I had something on my mind I needed to speak on. You know how a lot of people say that having a baby by a man who wants to leave you won’t make him stay? That’s definitely true…if anything, it only adds more problems. Well, the same is true for marriage. Marrying a man who’s promiscuous (I’m trying to find a nicer way to say, he’s a whore), thinking that he will suddenly become faithful to you because a piece of paper now says you’re married and supposed to give yourself- mind, body, and soul- only to each other, is only setting yourself up for failure.
As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, the male (I can’t even call him a man) I married was unfaithful to me- SEVERAL TIMES- in the four years we were together even before we got married. Why I was delusional enough to think that he would suddenly change and become a one-woman man after we said “I Do”…I have no idea what I was thinking, because nothing changed. There were still other women popping up every time I looked up, making it known that she wasn’t just one of his jump-off’s from the past, but she would still be a part of our future…because my husband was still entertaining her in some way. When I asked why he even bothered marrying me, if he knew he wasn’t man enough to let go of the other women and honor those vows he took, all he could say was, “Because I loved you.” What a load of crap. He didn’t love me. He loved the fact that I kept ignoring the signs of his cheating- his coming home later and later from work at night, his taking his phone in the bathroom with him while he took a shower, his suddenly not being able to get his peen to cooperate with me (even though sex was on his brain 24/7) and jumping up out of bed in the middle of it to go to Walmart (yes that happened)…I ignored all of that because I was trying to stay for the sake of the kids. Love doesn’t cower on the sidelines while your woman has to have verbal confrontation with YOUR exes…repeatedly.
Ladies, if that man can’t or won’t be faithful and true to you- and only you- while you’re dating, please don’t develop the ‘trap a man with a baby mentality’ (only the baby becomes a ring) It won’t work. He is still going to cheat, no matter how much he claims to love you. And if he’s a half-way decent liar (like mine was) he may even do things- buy flowers, jewelry, take you on trips for anniversary- all that good stuff to make you think that maybe, just maybe he’s gotten his act together, and finally decided to commit to you. But in the famous words of Betty Wright in her song, No Pain, No Gain: “Some of my closest friends have thought they had their thing on a string…Just ’cause that man was bringin’ ’em flowers, and candy, and all kinds of gifts…Mmm, mmm, honey, some gifts are just to make him feel better while he’s on his guilt trip about the night before, you know what I mean…”
Just a little something to think about. Yes, some people can change…but that’s only IF they want to change. From my experience with cheaters, though, (and I’ve experienced more cheaters in my lifetime than I care to admit) they don’t want to change, especially when they know they have their good, faithful-to-a-fault, wife at home, who’s sat by and tolerated his cheating in the past. Each time you take him back after he cheats on you; every time you turn your head in the other direction, pretending not to notice his strange behavior; each time you tell yourself you’ll deal with it, because of the kids, or whatever reason you’ve convinced yourself to stay, he loses respect for you and the marriage, and he’ll keep doing it. Don’t you think you deserve better? I do. It took me a while to realize it, but it’s better late than never. I hope you all have a great weekend. Stay dry! Peace & Blessings….