Hey all. I hope your Wednesday is going better than mine is, because this is definitely one of those bad days I’ve been told I would have after I announced my divorce. Now, I want to blame my extremely bad mood on this thunderstorm that just suddenly popped up, or my PMS- which always causes me to act a little irrational; but I know deep down that the fact that exactly one week from today, I go to court to end my marriage, has a lot to do with why I’m suddenly an emotional, crying, wreck. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t had almost two months to come to terms with the fact that this is really happening, I’m really going to be single again after nearly nine years; but for some reason, my feelings and my mood swings are just all over the place today. And it wasn’t just a few tears falling; no, I was really broke down, could barely talk through the tears, crying. Afterwards, all I could think was, “WTF is wrong with you, woman? If he’s not bothered- which clearly he isn’t, then why are you so pressed about this?”
I will say, after going two weeks without speaking to the man whose last name I share (for now), I finally stopped being so angry at him that I ignored him every time he said something to me. I mean, we are still living in the same house at the moment, so I knew I would have to speak to him eventually. Then, he even started acting really nice for a while, which I determined was due to his guilty conscience getting the best of him (which he denied) and we even managed to have a conversation about our relationship over the last week. I probably should have just left it at that, but in order for me to move on, I told myself I needed closure…answers as to what happened to us. And like most men, he stuck his foot in his mouth when he answered every question that I asked. Whether he meant to or not, he comes off as sounding like he just doesn’t care, like he’s blaming me for everything, or just saying stupid shit in general, which only makes me angrier. He can’t give me a straight answer on anything, which left me extremely annoyed. And again, maybe some of my frustration and agitation towards him can be blamed on PMS, but whatever the reason, I have been all in my feelings since last night, while he walks around like everything’s cool. Jerk!
To take my mind off of him, I turned on the computer and banged out another chapter on a book I’m writing for #NANOWRIMO (National Novel Writing Month), which helped a lot. By getting involved in the everyday problems of my fictional characters, I have less time to focus on my own real issues. He’s also gone to work, so I don’t have to look at him, which helps a lot, too. Either way, I’ll just be glad when all of this is over and I can get back to my normal crazy self, because going through a divorce brings on a different kind of craziness, and I don’t like it. I will NEVER get married again, I can tell you that. I can be crazy all by myself. Have a great rest of the day. TTYL!