T.G.I.F. y’all. So, I’ve been celibate since July 4, 2015 (there was no sex between my ex-husband and I for quite a while before we divorced in November 2015.) Maybe that’s even what contributed to it (shrugs). We were like roommates who happened to be married to each other, but there was no type of connection between us, in or out of the bedroom, so I wasn’t into giving up my goodies to him either.
Anyhoo, having not had any type of sex action in six months (and counting) lately I’ve been getting those urges. However, I’m not going to go out and screw some random man. I’m 37 years old, and I’m getting too old to play booty call games again. I mean, I’m not interested in getting into another relationship any time in the near future, but I don’t want meaningless sex with meaningless guys. Dare I say, I’m growing up and unlike when I was in my twenties, I think sex is much more enjoyable when it’s with someone I have an emotional connection with, as well as physical. However, those urges do hit me so I did the next best thing- I went to an adult toy store to find something to take the edge off.
So, I’m in Cindie’s, and I’m walking and looking…for what, I have no idea. I’ve gone to Cindie’s many times before, but usually I’m buying incense or games, and occasionally, those warming massage lotions. Rarely have I ever ventured off inside that ‘other’ room…the room that has all the really fun stuff. So, this time I walk in and I bypass the massage lotions rack, and I enter the dildo room. Everywhere I turned, there were rabbits, massagers, dildos- big ones, medium size ones. I had no idea which one to get, but I did want something small and discreet…something I can quickly hide under my pillow should one of my kids happen to pop up in my room while I’m…you know. So, I’m looking around at all the different toys. First of all, why are those things sooooo expensive? Sheesh! Some of those rabbits were as much as $100.00. Seriously? Do you know how many books I can 1-click on my Kindle with that much money? No way was I going to spend that much, even if I’d had that much to spend. I needed something in the under $20.00 range.
So, I headed over to the bullet and mini-vibrator wall…that’s more my price range. Now, I have to decide which one of the over thirty or so different ones I should get. Don’t they all do the same thing? While I was looking around, there were these two men in there too. I assumed maybe they were looking at something for their wives or girlfriends, until one of them said, “Hey, you think mom would use something like this?” Say what? People buy sex toys for their mom’s? I mean, I’m not judging, I just didn’t know that happened. I love my mama, but I don’t think I’ll ever love her enough to purchase and give her a rabbit vibrator. I’m still trying to come to terms with the fact that she’s reading the erotic romance novels I write. I mean, obviously our mom’s have sex…or else we wouldn’t be here. I just don’t want to think about her doing it (no pun intended).
Anyway, so I bought me a bullet. A few days ago, I was in my room writing a book, and I was writing this erotic sex scene, and I started to get a little aroused. (I guess that’s a good thing…if I don’t get turned on by my own words, I can’t expect readers to.) I wanted to test out my bullet anyway, so I got it and turned it on and placed it between my thighs then I sat back down and continued writing. The bullet definitely did the trick. It felt like I was sitting on top of the washing machine during the spin cycle. All of a sudden, the ex-husband walks in the room. Although the bullet was small, I think I’ll be taking another trip to Cindie’s, because it’s quite loud, which I found out that day. Even though it was discreetly tucked in between my thighs, he could still hear the vibrating noise it makes. I continued typing, like nothing was going on, but from the corner of my eye I could see him looking around like he was trying to figure out where the vibrating noise was coming from. I was trying to keep my face as straight as possible, hoping he wouldn’t ask me what that noise was.
So, I was busted using my toy, not by my kids, but by my ex-husband. Just one more reason why I have got to hurry up and find a place to live…ASAP. I can’t have him walking in the room while I’m trying to get my freak on with myself. Awkward!