**Originally published on my other blog, Random Thoughts of a Virgo**
Okay, let me just say, I’m a 37 year old woman, and Netflix & Chill, is nothing more than ‘making it a Blockbuster night’ for the younger generation. We were Netflixing & Chilling before Netflix was even thought about; only instead of all the high definition ways we have of watching movies today, we had VHS tapes and/or dvd’s. And yes, there was the possibility that at some point while watching the movie, a little hanky panky was going on, and it may have even led to getting it on afterwards. Hey, if you’re grown and consenting, that’s your business. However, hanging out at the crib, watching movies, and maybe hooking up afterwards, was NOT a substitute for a real date, nor should it be now.
In my day, we didn’t have cell phones, laptops, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter…the list goes on and on. We actually TALKED to the person we were interested in, whether in person or sneaking on the phone after your mama went to sleep. We went out to movies, bowling, dancing…whatever. Men actually courted (click the link if you need to know what that means) women. He came to your house, GOT OUT OF THE CAR, walked to your door, told you that you looked nice while walking you back to the car, opened the car door for you, took you on the date, asked you about your likes, dislikes, and interests BEFORE he really tried to get to KNOW you. These are things that happen on a real date. And, young ladies of this generation, please understand that Netflix & Chill is not a date.
I know that we live in a sex-crazed world, where everything is all about wanting to hook up, be his side-chick, booty-call, bae, trap queen, or whatever. Some of our young ladies have no real female role models to look up to, so they’re looking at these Love & Hip Hop reality stars for relationship advice on how to get, keep, or be loyal to a man. I just read yesterday that Toya (Lil Wayne’s ex) has given Memphitz (her womanizer husband) 8 hall passes per year to go out and cheat on her. What in the entire hell???? I wish I would give my husband permission to go out and cheat on me, possibly catch an STD from one of those 8 (and probably more) women, and bring it back to me. This is the type of woman some of you young girls are taking relationship advice from? Then, you have these wannabe rappers and simple-minded young men, who walk around hollering, “She’s my trap queen,” which means she’s the baddest type of female who’s 100% loyal and non-petty, but to me are code words for, “she’s someone that I can tell the sky is green, when it’s really blue, and she’ll believe it, simply because I said it, but she’s so desperate (loyal) to be with me, she’ll believe anything I tell her.” These same types of guys are convincing you that allowing him to come lay up at your place, Netflixing & Chilling, rather than getting his ass up and taking you out on a real date, is how you can prove your loyalty to him. Because if you settle for less- $7.99 for a Netflix subscription and maybe $20.00 for a pizza and drinks- as opposed to him spending around $100.00 on dinner and a movie (at a real restaurant and movie theater) he’ll know you’re not after his money…and that proves you’re a down ass bish.
Start making these so-called men earn the right to get your goodies, young women. Trust me, that same b.s. he’s feeding you about being ‘down’ for him, he’s feeding a couple of other women the same thing. Know that you deserve a man who feels that you are worth doing more than hanging out at your place, watching movies, and having sex. Stop settling for that. It’s bad enough that men want a woman to settle for this, but I actually saw a post on Facebook where women were defending the whole Netflix & Chill thing, talking about throw in some X-Box and it’s cool with her. And if you’re already in a committed relationship with a man, and if he sees you as more than just a ‘friend with benefits’, there’s nothing wrong with this. But if he’s someone you’re trying to get to know, and hopefully date, you can tell yourself all day long that it won’t bother you if he doesn’t think enough of you to actually court you and get to know you (outside of the bedroom) that it’s okay with you; that you don’t need him to spend ‘X’ amount of money on you for a date, and that you’re cool with being his booty call; but take some advice from me, the same thing you settle for in a relationship, will eventually become the very things you hate. You might be cool with a guy only seeing you as his Netflix & Chill bae, for now; but as time goes on, unless you really don’t value yourself at all, you will want more than to just be know as his cuddy buddy. You’ll want him to actually show that he loves- or even cares- about you…YOU, not what’s between your thighs, and he won’t be able to do it, because you don’t mean anything to him; you’re just the chick he hooks up with to do the horizontal polka from time to time. Then, you’ll be upset that you’ve given this man your body so many times, and he couldn’t care less about you.
Regardless of how cool people try to tell you it is to sleep with a man when he’s not offering you anything in return, other than to be known as his bae, his trap queen, or whatever, it’s not cool, nor is it cute. Know your worth, because if you don’t, he won’t either. And you deserve more than to just be given the title, Netflix & Chill bae, a*k*a* cuddy buddy, a*k*a* booty call.