When your husband puts you in the friend zone…

I’m sitting here trying to relax after a long day at work, watching Just Wright and I am seriously relating to Queen Latifah’s character (Leslie) right now- she keeps going out on dates with guys who tell her how great she is, but they only want her as their special friend. Common’s character (Scott) has pimped her ride after she nursed him back to health when his gold-digging fiancee bounced on him as soon as it looked like he might be cut from the NBA. He was so smitten with Leslie, that they shared a romantic night together, and he even surprised her with breakfast in bed the next morning. Leslie is elated that she’s finally found her dream guy, and he really seems interested in her. In true gold-digger fashion, the ex-fiancee shows up at the house while Leslie is prancing around in her silk bathrobe. She even commented on the “glow” that Leslie had. And what did Scott do? He took the ex back and told Leslie that she’ll always be his “special friend.”

If I had a freaking dollar for every time I have heard that b.s. in my lifetime…well, I’d have a few more dollars in my wallet. From high school to present day, I’m constantly being told that I’m such a good woman- funny, smart, I even get told I’m beautiful every now and then…yet, all they want me to be is their “special friend”…a*k*a, a booty call. I got used to that when I was single, but I never thought my own husband would put me in the friend zone. When we were waiting to go to court to finalize the divorce, I remember asking him if he was absolutely sure he wanted a divorce, or did he just want to separate for a while to see if we could work things out. His response? He doesn’t want to be married to me, but he’d love for us to be “close friends.” WTF??? Ummm, I don’t need your friendship AFTER the marriage ends. When I’m done with you, I’M DONE!!!!! We can’t be friends. Sure, I try to be civil to him, especially since I’ve yet to find an apartment and we still live together, but I’m not interested in being besties with my ex-husband. And the really bad part is, this negro really thinks we have a bff of type relationship. For instance, he texted me a few days ago to tell me about some promotion or whatever he got at work. Umm, I’m no longer your wife, I’m not your cheerleader…we ain’t buddies, so if he was expecting a congrats from me, he didn’t get it. I didn’t respond to the text at all, as a matter of fact. I’ve had a few good things happen over the last month or so in regards to my writing and I didn’t share that info with him. What for?

I really wish men would realize that when you break a woman’s heart, she doesn’t want to be your gattdamn friend. And telling her how great she is, how beautiful she is, how special she will always be to you while you’re stomping on her heart like a rotten grape, doesn’t soothe the punch to the gut. That actually hurts even worse. Like, if I have all of these great qualities, why in the hell are you leaving me? That crap really does a number on us, guys. It makes us sit around for days, months, sometimes even years, wondering why you kicked our asses to the curb, if we’re such a great catch. Seriously, just stop it. Yesterday, the ex-husband came into the living room to whisper something to me, and I leaned so far away from him so he wouldn’t touch me. After spending so many years together, him attempting to touch me just felt weird and awkward. I wanted  to tell him that he lost privileges to touch me when he decided that instead of working on our marriage, he wanted to be “just friends.” I have heard of some couples who go on to have really great friendships once they get divorced, but I’m not there yet. The wound is still fresh. The man I wasted nearly nine years of my life with that I’ll never get back, woke up one morning and decided that he wanted our relationship to be strictly platonic. Alrighty then. I ain’t bitter, just know that my cookie jar is closed…permanently. My “friends” don’t get to sample these goodies. Your loss!


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