It’s another Friday night, and I’m home….bored out of my mind. My daughter has taken control of the tv, so I’m doing my usual-scrolling down my Facebook timeline as a source of entertainment. So, I came across a question that a well-known, bestselling author asked her followers: “Men, do you find a woman appealing if she tells you that she’s celibate?” I, myself, have been celibate since July of 2015, so I really wanted to know the answer to this question (not that the answers to her question would change my decision to remain celibate). I clicked on the comments to find out what men had to say. The third or fourth comment down came from an obviously very immature guy, who probably doesn’t have much luck with the ladies (in or outside of the bedroom) anyway. His response to the question was: “Red flag..she’s probably sick, crazy, and probably has coochie cobwebs.” I rolled my eyes so hard, I’m surprised they didn’t get stuck. Seriously? So let me get this straight- a woman who respects herself enough to NOT go around allowing random men access to her vajayjay, all willy nilly, is a red flag? I wouldn’t have bothered to waste my time responding to his ignorance if what he said wasn’t so…ignorant.
Listen, I haven’t had sex in a minute (10 months to be exact) and while I could probably benefit from some…extracurricular activity, I’m not about to have sex with just any old man, just for the purpose of having sex. My response to the ignorant guy who made that shallow (as he preferred to be called after one woman called him narrow-minded) comment: ‘I’d rather have ‘coochie cobwebs’ than to have H.I.V., A.I.D.S., or any other S.T.D.’ It’s just not that serious to me. I work with a few twenty-something year old women, and they’re always talking about their random sexual escapades with random men. When I say, I haven’t had sex in almost a year, I’m usually met with what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you looks. A couple of them have even tried to convince me that I should call up my ex-husband and let him come over and ‘hit it’…for old times sake. Ummm, that’s so NOT going to happen. Sex was actually one of the main reasons why our marriage didn’t work out. We had very different opinions on this subject. Also, because of his past infidelities, I didn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. If I have to stay wondering if my man is cheating…giving him the side-eye every time he turned around…it was clear we just didn’t need to be together. I don’t just want sex from a man, I want a commitment. I want to feel a mental and emotional connection with the man I give myself to, not just a physical one…and I didn’t have either of these connections with my ex. I don’t need or want sex that bad that I’ll allow myself and my body to be used by a man who doesn’t view me as important enough to make an actual commitment to me.
Ladies, I know that there is all this pressure out there to have sex. The world is so sex-crazed, it’s almost scary. I know it’s hard being the oddball out, when everybody else and their mama is ‘doing it.’ But, stand firm in your decision and your convictions. If you’ve made the choice to be celibate, you made that choice for a reason, and you shouldn’t feel bad for making a decision about your body, your health, or your well-being. Too many people are jumping in and out of the sack with people they know absolutely nothing about and/or have no real connection with. To some people, that may be fun and cool, but it’s just not to me. I will never be sorry or feel bad for wanting to respect myself and my body, and if a man can’t understand and respect that, I will gladly chunk him the deuces ✌️ 👋 Me and my dusty box will be just fine, thank you, cobwebs and all.