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Feeling animosity for you ex after the divorce?

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I don’t know where I was or what I was doing back when Drop Dead Diva was still airing on Lifetime, but replacing cable t.v. with Hulu has allowed me to watch shows I somehow missed when they were still on. I’m currently bing-watching this show after I stumbled across it a few days ago. In case you’ve somehow missed it- like me- it’s a cute little show about a perfect size two, somewhat shallow, and definitely clueless fashion model (Deb) who dies in a car accident and her soul is re-incarnated in the body of a plus-size woman (Jane) who had just died after taking a bullet for her boss. Aside from being an attorney, Jane doesn’t have much of a social life. The woman had an oil painting of her and her cat in her living room. Yeah, I thought my life was pathetic. Anyway, each week Jane (armed with her intelligence and Deb’s sassiness, which has taken over her size 16 body) works her magic in the courtroom, fighting battles and winning cases for people who have been wronged by exes, bosses, and frienenemies.

One particular episode really spoke to me, though. This couple was divorcing and during the marriage the husband had given his wife one of his kidney’s to save her life. Since they were divorcing, he actually wanted his kidney back. #Petty #TriflingAsHell Really, who does that? Anyway, as the episode went on, the truth came out about why the husband was being such a jerk- he still loved his wife and was upset that she wanted to move on. That got me to thinking about divorce and how husbands and wives who once loved each other to death, suddenly want to do any and everything they can to hurt each other during the divorce. When one party isn’t ready or willing to let go and move on, they feel slighted, unwanted, and betrayed, and those feelings lead them to act out in the worst way. The husband on Drop Dead Diva wasn’t thinking about that kidney…he only wanted to make his wife suffer for wanting out. It’s this kind of animosity that lingers in your soul for weeks, months, and years after a relationship ends, making you extremely bitter, and that’s not a good look. Yes, it hurts when a relationship or marriage ends- especially if it’s unexpected- but trying to punish the other person for leaving you isn’t going to make you feel any better. It all goes back to the quote: Holding grudges only hurts YOU in the end.

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Why give anybody that kind of power and control over your life? Life is short enough as it is, but spending all of my precious moments trying to make a person miserable for not loving me is not how I want to spend what time I have left here on this earth. I always thought that after my ex-husband and I divorced, it would take a loonnnggg time before I was able to even force myself to speak to him again, after the way things ended. But you know what? I know deep in my heart that I was a good wife- not a perfect wife, but a good one. I really tried to make things work, even when it was immediately obvious to me when I met him that our relationship was going to be filled with unnecessary drama. And I stuck around and dealt with that drama for nine long years. Nine years that I can’t get back. But my conscious is clear. At the end of the day, I can sleep well knowing that I tried my best. Do I hate him? No. There were many important lessons that my marriage taught me about life and people in general; so no, there is no hatred or animosity in my heart for my ex. As a matter of fact, we actually seem to get along better now that the marriage is over. He’s still in my son’s life, which means I still have to see him, and each time he drops by, it gets easier for me to see him without rolling my eyes or saying something mean-spirited and spiteful. It took a minute for me to get to this point, I’ll admit; but I told myself that I’m not about to live my life, controlled by anger. I don’t have time for that, and you shouldn’t either.

By the end of the episode, the husband actually admitted that he was only requesting his wife to return his kidney because she had been a great wife and he still loved her, and it was hard to let her go. I’m not saying you have to be besties with your ex, because I definitely know that every relationship/marriage is different. Sometimes, things were so bad between you that you can’t fathom even thinking good thoughts about your ex. And that’s okay, just don’t let the anger that you feel for them consume you. Find a way to forgive them- even if you never tell them you forgive them- and then move on with your life. You will feel so much better when you do.

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2 thoughts on “Feeling animosity for you ex after the divorce?”

    1. Hey, who am Ito judge you. Trust me, I have been there too. I definitely understand where you’re coming from. I dealt with my exes multiple affairs too, and you just want them to hurt the same way they hurt us. I GET IT!!!

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