I was just watching Waiting to Exhale (again) and heard the saddest thing ever. All throughout the movie, Savannah’s (Whitney Houston’s character) mom kept trying to hook her up with Kenneth (the man from the Allstate Insurance commercials) even though he was married. She couldn’t wait to give him Savannah’s new phone number and when Savannah reminded her mother that the man was married, she said, “It doesn’t matter because if he was happy, he wouldn’t have been trying so hard to find her; and to get off of her high-horse and allow that man to love her, because every woman needs a man.” Savannah told her that she should be happy that she doesn’t want to settle for a married man, and her mother brushed her comment off off by saying, ‘He’s a good man who’s just in a bad place.’ WTF?!?! That’s the biggest load of bulls**t I’ve ever heard.
All I could do was shake my head at. What’s even more sad, her mother really believed that, too. This woman would rather have her very successful daughter settle for a cheating, married man, than to be like her and grow up alone. Ladies, it’s this way of thinking that get’s so many women into serious trouble…that brings so many women into contact with sexual predators, evil, controlling, manipulative, and abusive men. The at-least-I-have-a-man syndrome has led many women to hook up with men who are only out to take them for granted. Even if Savannah’s mom had good intentions (not wanting her daughter to grow old alone) telling her to look over the fact that the man is married and just be happy that he’s willing to cheat on his wife to be with her, is setting her up for failure in the long run. Obviously, she’s never heard the phrase: How you get them, is how you’ll lose them. Meaning- what goes around, comes around. The same way that Kenneth was cheating on his wife with Whitney, I mean, Savannah every chance he got, would have been the same way he would have done her, had Savannah not finally come to her senses and realized that he was stringing her along and never had any intentions of leaving his newly pregnant wife…so she called him the scum of the f**king earth and poured a drink on him, then walked away…for good I’m assuming (and hoping)
I really wish women- especially Black women- would stop thinking we have to settle. You get what you settle for. If you settle for a man who finds it hard to be fully committed to you and your relationship/marriage, who you tell yourself he’ll cheat sometimes, but at least he still comes home to you, who looks good on your arm/Facebook page, but you and him both know he can’t and won’t stay single to you to save his life, then that’s what you’re going to get. I was this way for a long time. Eventually, what I settled for became the very thing I hated. Know your worth. Don’t let anybody- family or whoever- tell you that you have to settle for a man who only gives you half, and not all of him-mind, body, & soul.Don’t cheat yourself out of finding a man who can and will give you all that you want, need, and deserve, and then some.