Hey guys and gals…so much has been going on in my life lately that I completely forgot that July 4th wasn’t just a holiday and a day off from work…it also marked my one year no sex anniversary. A year ago, I was still married, albeit not happily. The ex-husband and I had definitely reached the point in our marriage where we both got on each others nerves and one of us was just waiting on the other to take the initiative to put us both out of our misery and file for a divorce. Our marriage had become strained and we rarely spoke or spent much time with each other. For these reasons, I didn’t feel the need to go on pretending that I enjoyed having sex with him, and I didn’t. However, I remember that it was the Fourth of July and per usual, we were both home together, but he was in one room and I was in the other. Even so, I could tell that he was feeling frisky and as a last-ditch effort to see if there was any way to fix us- I gave him the thing I knew he wanted- me. Yep, for a whole two minutes, I laid there and let him have his way with me, although I definitely didn’t see fireworks..at least not until it was over and we went outside and popped actual fireworks with the kids.
Sure, I laughed and joked with him throughout the remainder of the night, and for a hot second, we seemed to be a happy couple again- he always did seem to perk up after sex…even if just for a little while. But deep down, I knew that I’d only had sex as a way to keep the peace and not make a total waste of the holiday, not because I’d wanted to. It was for his benefit, not mine. And after that night, I kind of knew that it was over. It’s like an unspoken part of the marriage vows that a woman has to sleep with her husband, whether she wants to or not. But after that night I couldn’t give myself a good enough mental pep talk- as I’d always done- to sleep with him again and pretend to like it…not even to try to save our marriage, which was sinking faster than a car submerged in the river. We had hit rock bottom, the point of no return. And I was okay with that. I have always heard the phrase- ‘what you won’t do, another woman will.’ He’s a man who stays horny 24/7 and I knew that because I wasn’t giving up my goodies, he had his hand in some other woman’s cookie jar- and I still didn’t care. When it didn’t even bother me to think about my husband cheating on me, I knew it was a wrap…done…finito. The older I get, the more I realize that having meaningless sex just doesn’t work for me anymore. Without a mental and emotional connection to a man, I can’t even think about having a physical connection to him. And there was nothing going on between me and my ex- mentally, emotionally, or physically.
We ended up getting divorced four months after that last time on the Fourth of July, which made me feel better about my decision to not let my ex continue to have my body when it was clear he no longer wanted me anymore. So, I became involuntarily celibate last July 4th, and I can honestly say that I don’t even miss sex. Wait, let me rephrase that- I don’t miss bad, pointless, uneventful sex. I definitely get hot and bothered at times, but I want a man who can offer me more than just what’s inside his Fruit of the Looms. So, until the right guy comes along, I’ll continue reading erotic romance novels, watching romance movies, and living vicariously through my female associates who are knocking boots on the regular and share their stories with me afterwards. Hopefully, next year I’ll have a different story to tell.