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Things NOT To Do If You Wanna Get Some On Valentines Day

Fellas, it’s Valentines Day- the universal day of love- and I know many of you dread this day because you have to come up off those coins when you just bought your lady Christmas gifts less than two months ago, but you also look forward to it because women tend to want to thank you for your gift by giving you a little sexy time. However, if trying to get your freak on with your wife/gf/significant other on Valentines Day is the end goal , here are a few things you absolutely should not do.

1. Do NOT leave the price tag on the gift(s) that you buy her. Not only is it tacky, it’s a shameless way to try and guilt her into sleeping with you by showing her how much you spent. Trust me, most- not all- women don’t really care how much you spent…because it really is the thought that counts; but this is a major turn off. You can make some women happy with a $10.00 gift…but we don’t need to know that all you spent was $10.00, you feel me?

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2. And this one makes my left eye twitch.If the gift(s) you buy her require the use of a bag to carry them in, DO NOT take your ass over to that woman’s house with her gifts in a Walmart, Target, Dollar Tree- wherever you bought it from- grocery bag. Take your cheap ass over to the card section and spend the extra dollar for a gift bag to put her gifts in. That’s like, wrapping a Christmas gift in newspaper *womp womp* And then you have the nerve to expect her to sleep with you. Boy bye!

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3. If you have been married/dating for longer than 5 years, DO NOT give her the same old tired flowers, candy, and cards that you give her every year. Trust me, she may smile and thank you while saying, “Aww babe..you shouldn’t have…” but this is how she really feels..

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“Really, you shouldn’t have given me the same gift I’ve gotten for 5 years in a row. Step your gift-giving game up.

 

4. Supermarket flowers. NO, JUST NO! Look, Valentines Day falls on the same day every year- just like Christmas and her birthday. This means you have all year to save your coins and go to a florist and buy her some roses and not wait until the last minute and run to Walmart and buy her a wilted bouquet of flowers that have likely been setting there on display and picked over for weeks. If you can’t be bothered to spring for florist flowers- even a single red rose will do- this is a good way to end your night alone with a bottle of lotion, if you know what I mean.

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5. I know sex is on the brain on Valentine’s Day, but please do not buy your lady condoms as a gift.There is nothing worse than expected sex or sleeping with someone out of obligation at any time. And giving condoms screams “I gave you something, now you have to give me something in return.”

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6. If you and/or your lady are over the age of 30, leave the Valentine’s teddy bears in the store and buy her an adult gift. Those are cute in the first year or two of dating, but again, if you’ve been together longer than five years, you should have already moved on past using stuffed animals to say “I Love You” anyway. And besides, what exactly is she supposed to do with a collection of over-sized teddy bears?

It’s really not that hard. As long as you put a little thought and effort into making Valentines Day special for her, she will be more than happy to break you off a lil’ sumtin.

 

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