Dating, relationships, Uncategorized

Are Black Women Being Hustled By Black Male Relationship Coaches?


One day as I was scrolling down my Facebook timeline, I came across a video by Derrick Jaxn, whose messages take aim at Black women, specifically, single Black women. In his videos, he gives women all the warning signs of a cheating, no good man. Now, this brother- who describes himself as a self-love ambassador- is very easy on the eyes, has a smooth, deep voice, and he clearly works out, because his muscles were bulging, which made it easy for me to want to stop and listen to what he was talking about. I clicked on his profile and found that he has several videos in which he warns Black women about f**kboys, cheaters, liars, and just men who are no good in general.


Having just gotten divorced less than 2 years ago, and realizing that I have a better chance of being invited to have dinner with the Trump’s than I have of finding a man worth dating- as I’ve unfortunately run across a f**kboy or 2 myself- it was easy for me to find myself agreeing with all the things Jaxn was saying. His videos are informative and it was refreshing to see an educated brother trying to look out for us women, who can sometimes be naive when we think we’re in love with a man, or who sometimes do just plain stupid things, all in the name of love. For instance, in one of Jaxn’s Instagram posts he’s telling women what makes us wife material.


Click to read the rest of this article on HuffPost Black Voices…


We Only Fall In Love With 3 People In Our Lifetime, Each For Different Reasons


I have often heard that people fall in love only three times in our lives, and each person serves a different purpose.



Often our first is when we are young, in high school even. It’s the idealistic love—the one that seems like the fairytales we read as children. This is the love that appeals to what we should be doing for society’s sake—and probably our families. We enter into it with the belief that this will be our only love and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel quite right, or if we find ourselves having to swallow down our personal truths to make it work because deep down we believe that this is what love is supposed to be. Because in this type of love, how others view us is more important than how we actually feel.



The second is supposed to be our hard love—the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved. This is the kind of love that hurts, whether through lies, pain or manipulation. We think we are making different choices than our first, but in reality we are still making choices out of the need to learn lessons—but we hang on. Our second love can become a cycle, oftentimes one we keep repeating because we think that somehow the ending will be different than before. Yet, each time we try, it somehow ends worse than before.



And the third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be. This is the love that comes so easy it doesn’t seem possible. It’s the kind where the connection can’t be explained and knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it.



The Face Of A Strong Woman

It’s easy for people to act as if our lives are perfect on social media sites, as  many of us tend to broadcast mainly only the positives going on in our lives, while keeping the negative things hidden, giving people the notion that we lead picture perfect lives. Because I usually am one of the people who post funny, positive things on my social media page and try my best to have a happy-go-lucky attitude in life, I think people assume I float through life like Mary Poppins, with not a care in the world.

If only they knew how far from the truth that is. I remember a co-worker once saying I must not have had a hard life or experienced anything bad because I told her I don’t really care to listen to the Blues. “Wait until you start experiencing some things, then you’ll understand that style of music,” she told me. I could only laugh at her assumption that because I don’t care for a certain style of music, that my life is all peaches and cream. “Trust me, I’ve experienced more pain that you’ll ever know,” I told her.

So, I decided to show people the woman behind the mask of sunshine and happiness- the side of me that I let people see on a daily basis, while hiding other aspects of my life from the world by smiling to keep from crying, laughing and joking to keep from breaking down, and trying to uplift myself and others to keep from going into that dark hole of loneliness and depression with a slideshow video.