Sexless & Unafraid

So..I’ve been celibate for seven months and some change now, and while I’m not ready to pounce on the first thing with a peen between his legs, I didn’t realize just how long it’s been since I’ve even seen a man’s joystick until yesterday. I was at work, and one of my co-workers was saying that some guy inboxed her a unsolicited photo of his penis. She wasn’t impressed by him or the photo and after telling him that, she began showing a few other co-workers what he was (or wasn’t) working with. I just started working at this job, so I’m not one of the girls yet. Maybe she wasn’t sure if I would be into looking at that sort of thing, but she didn’t show me the pic. I didn’t feel left out, but the more I listened to them discuss the penis in question, the more I just had to see it. I could say that the reason I wanted to see it so bad is because my curiosity got the best of me and I wanted to laugh at the joke, too; but I haven’t touched or even looked at a peen (in person) in over seven months, so I was anxious to see it. First of all, I agree with her- he should have kept that thang (pun intended) to himself, because it was nothing to write home about, and the bad part was it appeared to be erect. I could definitely see what they were all giggling about. Fellas, just an F.Y.I.- dick pics are frowned upon, but if you must send a woman a pic of your tool, and it’s not bigger than a Snickers bar, she and her girlfriends WILL clown you.

Second of all, I think that the longer I go without gettin’ any, the more I’m losing my desire and interest in sex, altogether. I literally glanced at it for all of 2.5 seconds and went back to work. Maybe my reaction would have been different had he really been working with something…but then again, maybe not. Peen pics have never excited me- even if it is ten inches and attached to a sexy, chocolate man. I might look for about ten seconds, if that’s the case. That wasn’t the first time I’ve heard a woman say a man just sent her a photo of his penis, all wily nilly. Is this what the dating game has come to? I’m so not the woman to send a picture like this to, because I’m known for putting people on blast, especially if it’s the size of a Vlasic baby dill pickle. Guys, not many women get turned on by photos of your penis. Maybe I’m getting old, but a handsome face and impressive length just doesn’t do it for me anymore. Wait, let me rephrase that- a handsome face and impressive length are great qualities for a man to have, but there’s one thing I crave more than those two things- monogamy. Now there’s a word that seems to have gotten lost in the dating game sauce.

Do people even try to be faithful in relationships anymore these days? Give me a faithful man over a loser with a big piece of steel, any day. I was telling another co-worker who’s getting married this weekend that it’s been a minute since I’ve had some, and she looked at me as if I was crazy as she asked, “Why?” I didn’t go into the specifics of telling her exactly why I’m in no rush to have sex, because clearly nothing I would have said would have made sense to her. If I had chosen to answer, I would have told her that giving up my cookie to a man who treats me less than I want and deserve to be treated is no longer an option for me, no matter how much time goes by. I could probably benefit from getting my feet wet, but I’m holding out for someone who can offer me more than what’s between his legs…big or small. Meaningless sex is such a waste of my precious time. I am sexless and completely content.

Checking in..

Hey y’all. It’s the day before Thanksgiving, so I’m sure everyone is running around like chicken with their heads cut off, trying to get dinner together. Me, I’m not really cooking much this year. I’m going to mama’s house to eat, so I don’t have to fight through the crowds at Walmart for that last can of cranberry sauce, or that last pre-washed bag of Glory Collard greens. I have been asked to fix some chicken spaghetti, but that doesn’t take long at all. I’ve been so busy finalizing the divorce, I totally forgot about the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade, which I usually look forward to every year.

Speaking of divorce, I’m still trying to figure out why I’m not as sad as I probably should be. I don’t have the time to be walking around depressed and on the verge of a breakdown over a man, but I guess I expect some type of sadness to wash over me. That has yet to happen. The week prior to our divorce, I’d told myself that even though it’s been a long time coming, that if we could somehow talk everything over and work things out, I probably would have stayed married to him because my son (who just turned 17 last Friday…tears) made it clear he didn’t want his family to break up. For that reason alone, I was willing to do what I had to in order to fix our issues and make us work. However, after a lengthy conversation where we aired out all of our issues with each other, and ways to fix them, that a-hole told me nothing would change, but we could still be close. WTF? First of all, saying nothing would change in a nutshell means HE wasn’t willing to try to do what needed to be done in order to keep his family together. I didn’t need to hear anything else after that. I don’t need his ‘closeness’ now…that should have come BEFORE the divorce. So, if I wasn’t worth it to him to try to work it out- after I’ve put up with 8 and 1/2 years of his drama- he’s not worth my tears, heartache, or anything else. Eff him…it’s not like I’m losing anything, other than a huge headache and all the baggage and drama that came from being with him. So, maybe that’s why I have yet to feel any type of sadness that our marriage is over. I’ve been keeping pretty busy. I started and completed a novel as part of #NANOWRIMO (Novel Writing Month) and I’ excited about the new book I’ve written…I think it’s my best one (so far). I’ll start a semi-autobiography about my faux marriage after the holidays…it’s going to be wild, is all I can say, so stay tuned. 

 

I went out last week and got my hair braided (see pic above) and a much needed eyebrow wax…I took the time to do something for me, for a change, and I feel great. Got a lot of compliments on the braids, including one from him (not that I give a damn what he thinks). Now he wants to tell me I look good; now he wants to send ‘good morning’ texts…it’s far too late for that. He’s lost me completely. I will literally give chance after chance to someone, but once I’m done…I’M DONE! I don’t hate him, I just don’t really respect him. So, I’m doing me again, and it feels great not having to wonder who or what he’s doing anymore, or turn a blind eye to all his lies. Well, I’ve talked (or typed) enough. I hope you all enjoy your Thanksgiving, and be safe. Lot’s of people love to drink and get out on the road during the holidays. TTYL!