New Year, Same living arrangements.

I know…it seems like I’ve abandoned my blog. That’s not the case, though. I’ve just been really busy with the holidays, kids, work, just everyday bullshit. I was so not in the Christmas spirit this year. I won’t say I was Ms. Scrooge; however, I just wasn’t really feeling it, for some reason. Normally, I’m that weird lady who loves to decorate my home according to whatever holiday it is (Halloween, Easter, Christmas) even though it seems to embarrass my kids. I did put up a few Halloween decorations and hand out candy to trick-or-treaters, but when Christmas came around, I couldn’t be bothered to drag the 6-foot fake tree out of the storage room, put it together, and put decorations on it. I had no intentions of putting up a tree at all, until my daughter was like, “So, you’re really not gonna put the Christmas tree up, mama?” Hadn’t planned on it, but since she mentioned it, I took out the little 4 foot tree, threw a few decorations on it, and called it a day. However, I was not in the mood to wrap gifts, so I kept them hidden in the trunk of my car until it was time to give the kids the gifts. That’s all the kids were concerned about anyway, so I didn’t feel too bad about not putting presents under the mini tree (shrugs)

Anyway, I’m glad that’s over so things can get back to normal. I haven’t been writing on this blog, but I have another one, in addition to writing my books, so I’ve been productive in that sense. Now, if I could just find me a new place to live and get out of this house with the ex-husband, I’d be fine. We never really went through a separation period. There was an argument on September 18-ish, which led to me telling him that I was sick of his shit and to file the divorce papers, which led to me not speaking to him for two weeks straight. After several weeks of giving him the silent treatment, I eventually realized that I was going to have to talk to him as long as we lived in the same house. So, we started communicating a little bit, but we were still going through with plans to divorce. Neither of us could afford to up and move out, and with the holidays coming up, we just stayed put.

Now, though, it’s awkward, and quite frankly, annoying as hell to still be living in the same house as the man I officially earned my freedom from as of November 18, 2015. I don’t hate him, but I don’t particularly like him, either. I lost what respect I had for him months ago, and I’m just getting plum sick of looking at him everyday. I’m working on getting an apartment for me and the kids, but until then,I’m still stuck here…with HIM. UGH! I am so ready to be in my own space. Again, I have to talk to him, because we still live together, but I limit my conversation to as little words as possible.

Apparently though, he’s under the impression that we’re friends or something. Umm, hell to the no, we’re not. I don’t need him to call or text me his whereabouts, like he’s still doing, nor am I going to tell him mine. What I do now is my business. I don’t owe his ass any explanation. I don’t need him to call and check on me while he’s at work. Like, really? Now he wants to play Mr. Nice Guy? Then, he even bought me perfume for Christmas- Nicki Minaj perfume and my favorite Bath & Body Works, to be exact. And to think I didn’t buy him anything…talk about awkward. I wasn’t even going to accept his gift. I mean, we’re not married anymore, and not obligated to buy each other presents. Also, I didn’t want him to think that because I accepted his gift,  I would be obligated to give him something in return, if you know what I mean…and that’s exactly what I told him. He claimed that wasn’t his intentions….to get something in return, that he just wanted to be nice. Just like he offered to still help me out at my new place (whatever that means) whenever I finally do move out, all out of the goodness of his heart. Mmm hmm. Men always want something in return…it’ll also make me be forever indebted to him if I keep accepting favors from him. **cold shivers travel through my body as I think back to a past relationship with a guy who insisted on ‘helping me out’ after our relationship ended, but it was really a way for him to stalk me and show up at my place unannounced** Been there, done that, not doing that ish again.

So yeah, this is my current awkward  situation. He’s lying in bed in the bedroom as I’m sitting at my desk typing. Something has gotta change…and soon. As a matter of fact, I’m signing off so I can go apartment hunting. Pray for me. Later!

 

Just Divorced

 

My official #JustDivorcedSelfie

Well, it’s finally over. We just left court, and the judge granted us a divorce, in spite of the fact that my ex didn’t have a valid reason for wanting to divorce me. When the judge asked what I did that was so bad, he couldn’t give him an answer, other than, “We argued a lot.” Judge says, “I can grant you a divorce based on that fact.” He had to suggest to him to say that it was somehow my fault, since he’s the one who filed the divorce papers. After that, judge granted the divorce. I know deep down that he wasn’t who I needed to be with; however, as I stood there, I realized that we were getting divorced for absolutely no real reason. The past couple of weeks, we’ve gotten along better, even had a long talk about what our problems and issues were, and he even said he understood where I was coming from on a lot of things. I guess in the end, though, even though he said he understood my concerns, he wasn’t willing to do anything to change the way I felt…to make me not always assume the worse. I wasn’t worth it for him to want to do better and make our marriage work. And if he wasn’t willing to make things work, I was clearly wasting my precious time.

Anyway, it’s done. I’m single again, and I really don’t feel sad about it. Yes, I’m a little worried about starting over again after being with him for eight years, but I’ve been on my own before, so I know I’ll be okay. I feel a sense of relief, like I can finally EXHALE. I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m looking forward to better days. I’m going to enjoy my freedom for a while…definitely not interested in or looking for a man any time in the near future. I just want to ‘be’ for a while…be happy, be free from baggage and drama. And that’s just what I plan to do. Enjoy the rest of your day. Until next time…

 

 

Divorce Mood Swings Are Real…And They Suck

Hey all. I hope your Wednesday is going better than mine is, because this is definitely one of those bad days I’ve been told I would have after I announced my divorce. Now, I want to blame my extremely bad mood on this thunderstorm that just suddenly popped up, or my PMS- which always causes me to act a little irrational; but I know deep down that the fact that exactly one week from today, I go to court to end my marriage, has a lot to do with why I’m suddenly an emotional, crying, wreck. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t had almost two months to come to terms with the fact that this is really happening, I’m really going to be single again after nearly nine years; but for some reason, my feelings and my mood swings are just all over the place today. And it wasn’t just a few tears falling; no, I was really broke down, could barely talk through the tears, crying. Afterwards, all I could think was, “WTF is wrong with you, woman? If he’s not bothered- which clearly he isn’t, then why are you so pressed about this?”  

I will say, after going two weeks without speaking to the man whose last name I share (for now), I finally stopped being so angry at him that I ignored him every time he said something to me. I mean, we are still living in the same house at the moment, so I knew I would have to speak to him eventually. Then, he even started acting really nice for a while, which I determined was due to his guilty conscience getting the best of him (which he denied) and we even managed to have a conversation about our relationship over the last week. I probably should have just left it at that, but in order for me to move on, I told myself I needed closure…answers as to what happened to us. And like most men, he stuck his foot in his mouth when he answered every question that I asked. Whether he meant to or not, he comes off as sounding like he just doesn’t care, like he’s blaming me for everything, or just saying stupid shit in general, which only makes me angrier. He can’t give me a straight answer on anything, which left me extremely annoyed. And again, maybe some of my frustration and agitation towards him can be blamed on PMS, but whatever the reason, I have been all in my feelings since last night, while he walks around like everything’s cool. Jerk!

To take my mind off of him, I turned on the computer and banged out another chapter on a book I’m writing for #NANOWRIMO (National Novel Writing Month), which helped a lot. By getting involved in the everyday problems of my fictional characters, I have less time to focus on my own real issues. He’s also gone to work, so I don’t have to look at him, which helps a lot, too. Either way, I’ll just be glad when all of this is over and I can get back to my normal crazy self, because going through a divorce brings on a different kind of craziness, and I don’t like it. I will NEVER get married again, I can tell you that. I can be crazy all by myself. Have a great rest of the day. TTYL!

Mixed Signals: Pay Attention To The Words He Doesn’t Say

When going through a breakup, separation, or divorce, it’s understandable to have mixed feelings about the relationship coming to an end. When you’ve opened up your heart to someone and allowed them to get to know you (mentally and physically) you’re going to have a few moments where, even if you know it’s for the best to end the relationship, you’ll still wonder what if. What if we can make this work somehow? What if I break up with him, then I realize he really was who I was meant to be with? Again, that’s understandable to have these feelings, especially if the man in your life is doing things that indicate he still wants you. But ladies, beware…sometimes when a man is being uber nice and sweet to you after a breakup, it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants you back. Know the difference between someone who wants you in their life, and someone who’s trying to soothe his guilty conscience for not wanting you in his life. I found myself in this very situation over the last few weeks.

Lately, the soon-to-be ex-husband has been like, super sweet and nice. Suddenly, he’s concerned about my well-being, my car, whether I have food and/or money…he wants to make it clear that he has my back (even though a few weeks ago he told me that when I leave him, that’ll be just fine with him)…all the things he should have been doing BEFORE we got to this point. Now, having given this man nearly 9 years of my life that I can’t get back, even though I know deep down that love isn’t enough to make me stay, and we just don’t need to be together, a small part of me wonders what if he still wants me. I mean, he’s acting like he still wants me. He hasn’t been this nice to me in…forever. I’m a hopeless romantic, and the hopeless romantic part of me wants to believe that I’ve been a good enough woman to him, that he’s suddenly realized this, and want’s to work it out. And while his actions are saying this is exactly what’s happened, he’s yet to verbalize this to me.

I’m a firm believer that when it comes to love, when/if a man truly wants a woman and he realizes that this one woman’s love is worth ten of those skeezers out there in those streets (remember this line from The Wood), he will not hesitate to let her know this. And if he’s done her wrong and really wants her back, he will put his ego & pride aside, and go get his woman, by any means necessary. Whether he has to pull a David Ruffin and “Beg and plead,” if he has to pull a Darius Lovehall and recite you a poem or chase you down the street until he’s out of breath, or even if he has to pull a Lenny Williams and fall to his knees- not caring if it makes him look soft or not- and confess his dying love to you “I love you, baby, with all my heart and soul….Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh..” he will do all of this and then some to get his woman back. He will TELL you this…out of his mouth, as many times as he has to, in order to get you back. And in spite of all his nice gestures, the one thing my husband hasn’t done is SAY to me, “I don’t want to lose you, and I want you in my life.” Those are the words I need to hear from him, and until he says them, I’m inclined to believe that all his nice acts are just a way to ease the guilt he’s carrying around with him for all the b.s he’s took me through. Just to be sure I wasn’t overthinking things (in true Virgo fashion) I had a talk with a male cousin of mine who I knew would give it to me straight, no chaser, and he told me the same thing: “If he wants you, he’ll TELL you; until then, don’t fall for the nice act.”

I was watching Being Mary Jane a few weeks ago, and M.J.’s brother told her, “You’re worth more than just the words “I Love You’.” That one little line spoke volumes to me and women all over the world. Having a man say these words is cool; but are his actions coinciding with what he said? In my case, I’m seeing his actions, but again, he has yet to say he still wants me. Being nice is just that- being nice. You can be nice to the homeless guy on the streets that you walk by everyday…giving him food and/or money; or the lonely guy you work with who nobody else talks to, so you do; or the old man who lives next door to you, and because he has nobody to check in on him from time to time, you do it…that doesn’t mean you want to be with them, you’re just being nice. So ladies, if you find yourself in this situation, pay attention to the words he DOESN’T say…there lies the real truth about his feelings for you.

I hope you all have a great week. TTYL!

P.S.A. I’m Not Easily Broken

Hey, good people. T.G.I.F. (well, it is for me, because it’s my off-day) Anyway, this has been the week from hell, and I need the day to get myself together after all that’s happened. I may have mentioned in my last blogpost about finding out about my husband’s other woman..the one with all the chirren. Yeah, well, after I went to her job to tell her that I’d pack his things and she could come get him, if she wanted him- only to be told she wasn’t there (umm, hmm)- word got back to her, somehow. So, she takes to her Facebook page to “call me out” for not saying anything to her when she popped up at my job a day later. Like I said then, I wasn’t about to address the mistress over sleeping with my so-called husband, while I was on the clock, so yes, I swallowed my pride, prayed to God to allow me to keep this mouth shut, and I did my job.

This chick thinks she’s tough..you know the kind- sleeps with a married woman’s man, then gets balls of steel to talk ish once she’s confronted about it to her peanut gallery of homies on her FB page. I happened to come across her post yesterday, were she apparently thought that because I didn’t say anything to her when she came to my job, that I was scared of her. I had to quickly let her know, please don’t get it twisted. I’m learning and growing everyday…and learning that there is a time and a place for everything. Now, bad as she thinks she is, she extends the invitation to meet me- yes meet me- to confront me for confronting her for screwing my husband. I know this sounds like a juicy plot for a book (and it will go in the book that I write about my faux marriage) but no, my husband’s side-piece wanted to meet me- his wife- to talk about her screwing him…I can’t make this stuff up. I’m so not the woman who’s ever going to fight over any man, other than my son (I’ll go to jail over him) but I wanted to let Miss Thang know, you got me all kinds of messed up if you think I won’t approach you. So, I met her at a store up the street, only for her to adamantly deny that she’s slept with my husband (at least not since we’ve been married) and that “even though she doesn’t like me” (as if I give a DAMN)  “he’s just been a REALLY good friend of hers, and she’s respected me and not screwed him (again, not since I’ve been married to him).” 

Y’all, I swear the devil has been on my back all week, and after that little ‘meeting’ with the mistress, ex-mistress, or whatever she is, I really wanted to hurt someone. So, this makes the 8th woman I’ve had to had confrontation with over my husband in the 8 years that we were together…kind of like one woman per year. I politely told her, our divorce will be finalized next month, and she’s more than welcomed to him after that. Of course, “she doesn’t want him” now (umm hmm) Anyway, rather than react the way most women would have, I went to work a few hours later, clocked in, and did my job….in good spirits. I realize how much stronger I’m getting, day by day. You have to be strong to keep getting bricks thrown at you, yet you find a way to keep going. I absolutely refuse to let him, or his jump-offs, ex-jump-off’s, or anybody else break me down, no matter how hard they try…and they’re definitely trying it. 

I am not that woman who’s easily broken, anymore. I was a good girlfriend and wife to this fool, and I have nothing to hold my head down for, or to be ashamed of. And I won’t. God has blessed me too much to let this situation break me, after all that I’ve overcome. Whatever you’re going through in your life, know that you are being tested. I’ve said that over the last few days..it seems like I’m being tested. And so far, I’m passing the test by keeping my sanity, and finding a way to rise above the drama. The devil is busy, people…don’t let him take up space in your life, because all he wants to do is destroy you, by any means necessary. Be smart enough and strong enough to say, “Not today, devil…not today.” God is still working on me, and it’s a process. It gets rough, sometimes; but I take things one day at a time, pray about it, and keep it moving. Whatever struggles you’re facing, I encourage you to do the same, even though I know it’s hard trying to be the bigger person, sometimes. It’ll all be worth it in the end. I hope you all have a great Friday, and an even better weekend. God Bless!  

Even though I knew it was coming, getting divorced feels surreal.

Well, after confronting the husband about his chick on the side, and even though he adamantly denied her, or having anything to do with her, in spite of the fact that she just happened to show up at my job, he finally went to the courthouse and filed the divorce papers this morning…even though it’s been nearly three weeks since I told him this wasn’t working. I’ve known that us getting divorced has been a long time coming, but it still felt surreal to be standing in the courthouse, getting the papers notarized. Our court date is set for November. I don’t want anything from him- no alimony, child support, nothing…so we should be officially divorced next month. It’s all happening so fast. Like, it took almost a years worth of planning to get married, and less than two months to end it.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t just a little sad about it. Again, I’ve known for at least the last year that this marriage was going downhill, fast. Having met him in 2007, I’ve been a part of a couple for the last eight years. You ever get so used to something or someone, and you get really comfortable? That’s how I was. I haven’t been in love with him, or even in like with him, for a long time…but I was comfortable, which was why I kept ignoring all the obvious signs that our marriage was all but over. I think that even though I’ve been single before, and at one point I worried I might be an old maid, I was a little scared to start over. Like I said, I’ve been comfortable in knowing that someone was helping with the bills, I had someone to talk to (when he was around) someone to go out on dates with, or take trips with.

Even though the thought of starting over terrifies me, I know that it’s for the best. It wasn’t healthy staying married to someone just because I didn’t want to be alone. I’m sure it will be hard for me in the days to come, as my emotions are all over the place; but I still feel deep down, that I’m making the right decision. I already realize that I’m a stronger woman than I was eight years ago. Usually, whenever something was going wrong in my relationships, I’d mope around, sad and depressed…crying all the time. That hasn’t happened this time. Yes, I’ve shed a few tears, but I haven’t sat around in the dark, listening to depressing break-up songs, while wallowing in self-pity. I realize that crying doesn’t solve  or change anything, anyway. I’ve allowed myself an allotted amount of time to mourn the death of my marriage…but then, I tell myself to get up, put my big girl panties on, and get on with my life. I have two beautiful kids to raise. My son will be 17 next month, and will be graduating next year, and my daughter is 11 going on 30. I definitely have my hands full, and sitting around crying and feeling sorry for myself is just not a part of my plans for the future.

I hope you all have a Happy Tuesday. Pray for me, and I’ll do the same. Until next time…

Not today, Satan…not today

When I tell you going through a divorce is like nothing I’ve ever gone through before. OMG, that sneaky devil has been an annoying little money on my back, and has tried to get me to step outside my character and act a fool all week. The fact that I’m sitting here typing this blogpost, and not in jail, proves that I’ve won this round.

It’s not that I didn’t already know my husband was cheating…hell he’s cheated on me for eight years, so that was nothing new. Like any so-called man, he denies everything, even when confronted with evidence- that’s just what they do. I think it’s in the wannabe player’s handbook: DENY EVERYTHING. Anyway, I’ve always known he was “laying it low, and spreading it wide” (in the words of Miss Evelyn Braxton) with someone, I just didn’t know her name…until the other day. I’ve been confiding in my boss (an older white lady who, like everybody else, thought I had one of the few good men out there, and who gains absolutely nothing by lying about what she would go on to tell me) about my failed marriage for a while. I got to work Thursday, and she asked how I was doing. At that moment, I was fine. Then, she dropped the bombshell. Without going into all the details, she tells me that it was brought to her attention that my husband has been sleeping with one of the town sluts (a chick with four kids and who knows how many sperm donors)…that’s what my husband gave up his family for.

Quite naturally, even though I’d known he was cheating, I now had a name and a face. I’ve worked with this girl, had quite a few arguments with this girl, and even blocked her from my Facebook page years ago, over inappropriate comments she’d made on something he’d posted. Just that quickly, my good mood changed. Having just clocked in at work, I had several hours to think about everything. My husband had an issue giving me $20.00 to buy food, but did he have a problem giving her money for all those chirren she has? Probably not. At one point, I grabbed the phone, called him, and let him have it. I couldn’t even help my customers, because I was so busy telling him off. All the while, he’s still denying knowing what I’m talking about, which only made me madder. The fact that he was insulting me and my intelligence, was like pouring salt on my open wounds.

Eventually, I had to tell myself to calm down. I apologized to the customer who’d overheard me cussing the cheater out over the phone, then gave myself a mental pep talk, that I needed to calm down, because neither my husband, or his jumpoff is worth me getting fired. I confronted him more after I got off work. His response: she moved to another state, and doesn’t even live here…as if that’s supposed to make it any better. I don’t care if she moved to Mars, the fact remains, you still slept with her. Then, yesterday, after I’d told myself that I was not going to let him or her distract me while  was at work, because I can’t afford to lose my job, who should happen to walk in? HER…the same chick my husband claimed didn’t even live here anymore. It was funny that she should happen to show up all of a sudden. All I could do was laugh at that point. I said not one word to her, and went on doing my work, which shocked even me.

Sometimes, you have to be smart enough to know when you’re being baited into a negative situation, and ignore it. Yes, it’s hard to simply walk away, especially when your feelings are hurt, and your family has been torn apart by someone who couldn’t care less about you or your children. I really wanted to slap her. But, while it would have felt good at the moment, I would be standing in the unemployment line first thing tomorrow morning, had I acted the way I wanted to. I had to take a deep breath, and walk away. Obviously, neither my husband or his other woman cares about my family, but I do, and I can’t let them put us in jeopardy, any more than they already have.

When you find yourself in a situation where you want to react violently- even if it’s justified- take a deep breath, calm down, and remind yourself what’s important. If you act on impulse, and pimp slap a beeotch, you’re children are the one’s who will suffer the consequences of your actions…remember that. It’s just not worth it, Miss Celie…he ain’t worth it. And besides, there is absolutely nothing worse than fighting another woman over a man…nothing. Be the bigger woman, and walk away.

Married or not, you should read this…

I came across this piece- shared with me, courtesy of Kimmies Floral– on Facebook today, and felt the need to repost it:

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, “I’ve got something to tell you.” She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.Suddenly, I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, “Why?”
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, “You are not a man!” That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper, but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast, because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care, so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning, she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But, she had something more- she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration, I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. “No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce,” she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, “Daddy is holding mommy in his arms.” His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, “Don’t tell our son about the divorce.” I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, “All my dresses have grown bigger.” I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, “Dad, it’s time to carry mom out.” To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms, I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, “I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.” I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, “Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.”
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. “Do you have a fever?” she said. I moved her hand off my head. “Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce my wife. My marriage life was boring, probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day, I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.” Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, “I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.”
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Maybe if I had come across this earlier, things might would have been different in my marriage. I think we just grew apart…or maybe we didn’t, we were just both not willing to really understand where the other was coming from. By calling it quits, I feel deep in my heart that I made the best decision for me by choosing to end it, but this may help other married couples or those looking to get married one day. Realize what you have while you still have it…God gives, and He can take it away, in the blink of an eye! 

I Blog As A Way to Heal, not to Bash

Before I started this blog, I had been holding all the heartache, heartbreak, headache, and just overall drama from my 8 year marriage/relationship (4 years dating, 4 years married) with my husband- and pretty much ALL of my past relationships- inside. I’m not a big talker…I don’t like talking about my problems. I never wanted to be subjected to the criticism, judgement, and general statements from people who have never walked a day in my shoes, so they have no idea what I’ve gone through. I consider myself a smart woman, yet I have allowed so many men play me for a fool, and I felt stupid and embarrassed to even admit some of the things I’ve allowed myself to be subjected to. So, I kept it all hidden inside, where only I knew about it.

However, I came to the conclusion that we all go through things. We all have a past, and things we may not want people to know about. By me finally choosing to write (or type) all the hurt that I’ve been holding inside, for so long…it’s therapeutic to me. Something about admitting it to someone else – other than myself- puts things in perspective. Every time I sit down to write a new post, I feel like Iyanla is standing over my shoulder, rubbing my back soothingly, helping me Fix My Life by saying, “That’s it, Beloved…let it all out. Let go of all that hurt and anger you’ve been holding inside for all these years. But, you have to be honest…you have to admit your faults, and by faults, I mean you can’t be the victim. You have to admit that YOU allowed this man to hurt you the way he did, for as long as he did.” Every time I want to feel sorry for myself, she wont let me. I’m being funny, but forreal tho!

I have given my husband power and control over me for almost nine years. I gave him the power and control to keep spitting in my face, and dragging me through the mud, time and time again, with his drama,foolishness, other women, lies, emotional abuse, neglect, and many other things. I took that power and control back when I finally said I wanted out. So, me writing this blog has NOTHING to do with bashing him, or putting him down, and EVERYTHING to do with me healing myself, making myself strong again…so that I never let my self-esteem get so low, that I feel I have no choice but to take whatever degrading, demeaning, and hurtful things are being thrown at me. A man will only do, or treat you, the way you allow him to. If you don’t feel you’re worthy of being treated like a queen, he won’t treat you like one. 

I have a long way to go, in terms of healing. But, I took the first step, and that’s finally telling myself that I deserve better than what I was being given…so that’s a start. If you should happen to get a chuckle out of my blog, that’s fine. But my true intention is helping me, and maybe in time, I can help someone else not make the same mistakes I did. Hope you all enjoy your Monday. I’m off, so I definitely will. Until next time…

Best Divorce Letter Ever

BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER 

Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. … Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping… Too bad that doesn’t work! I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem